7. Portishead – Machine Gun
This is the one song that everyone (and I mean everyone) had on their Top 5 Songs of '08 list, so naturally, being the contrarian I am, I wanted this to suck. Of course, it didn’t. Sounding more like Low had they been produced by Trent Reznor than the trip-hoppy Portishead everyone (read: me) thinks of, Machine Gun is pretty much the definition of the word “tense.” Like really, when I hear this song, my muscles clench and I get cold shivers and stuff. It’s like that. This is the kind of song that you can’t listen to when it gets dark or else you won’t sleep for the rest of the night. Thank god the next song I’m reviewing is by TI or else I would probably be in a funk all day. Damn.
*** It should be noted that I went this entire paragraph without once mentioning the “industrial” “grime/dubstep” “machine gun” drum beat. H8 u p4k.
6. TI feat. Akon – Hero
LIGHT UP THOSE BLUNTS
AND GET READY TO INHALE THAT SOUTHERN SMOKE
I’ll be the first to admit it: I’m a sucker for TI. I think he’s great. I think he makes great songs. I think he produces great albums. I think he should be able to have as many machine guns as he wants. I think it kinda sucks that the first google result for his name is Texas Instruments. In a perfect world etc etc etc.
Anyway, I’ll also admit that “Hero” is not TI’s best song. His rapping seems a bit uninspired, and the lyrics are kind of ridiculous (“I’m the man it’s apparent/Even when I’m running errands/Got to beat a Mclaren on what I’m wearing/ Got ‘em starin’/Bitches I share ‘em/If they in my harem” etc.), amongst other complaints. Thankfully, though, where TI falters, Akon really steps up to the plate. The hook to this song is just sick - there’s no two ways about it. He really sells it. Akon can get a bit annoying at times, or be a downright dick at others, but for what it’s worth, he saves this song. I guess there’s hope for him after all?
5. Weezer – Pork and Beans
I DON’T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT WHAT YOU THINK
4. Young Jeezy feat. Kanye West – Put On
Reasons This Song Rules:
1. Jeezy’s intro. Hooooly shit. Hits you like a ton of bricks.
2. Food rap. (“Big wheels, big straps, you know I like it super sized/Passenger's a redbone, her weave look like some curly fries/Inside fish sticks, outside tartar sauce/Pocket full of celery, imagine what she tellin me/Blowin on asparagus, the realest shit I ever smoked”)
3. The theremin. Yeaaaaaaaaaah.
4. “Call me Jeezy Hamilton”
5. Kanye wearing that Palestinian scarf in the video
6. The heaviness of the beat. Seriously, this single probably weighs like 100 lbs.
7. The fact that Kanye feels that there are women out there that “owe him sex.” LOL take that feminists!